I belong to a wee little Druid Grove. The old timers there know my hearing is bad, but I’m a known quantity so they don’t think about it a lot. In fact, a few of them forget it most of the time and start making so much noise I can’t hear what I need to hear. Hidden issues remain hidden even over many years, even after many statements. We all have our own abilities and disabilities anyway from wheelchairs to canes to wretched puns to creaky bones.
Every year at Yule the ceremony begins with lights out and windows open to replicate the creation myth of the Norse – cold and dark. It is probably my favorite part of the entire liturgical year despite the joys of being unable to lip read. Even an Interpreter would be useless in the dark since I’ve got a frozen Franklin cup full of ice in one hand and sometimes a candle in the other.
This year the Dean and the Secretary pointed out early that I’m functionally deaf and how people need to talk directly to me and be sure I know they’re talking to me, not just talking in general. This was because there were new individuals present. Two of our visitors were quite talkative – Chatty Kathy and Chatty Karl. And we also changed the format – all meeting around the feasting table, rather than sitting in a circle in the living room of the Dean. In general, circular situations are more HoH/Deaf friendly. Fortunately, I tend to know the meditation and a good deal of the material being presented after all these years. So even if I don’t hear it I get it – hard to miss a candle being lighted or a frozen cup of ice. 🙂
This year the extra people resulted in a very long ritual – since it is in blót format there’s more participation with the Toast, Boast, and Oath. We didn’t have a Sumbal this year (asperging) and for those of you interested in this, there’s a lot of mutually contradictory information on the web. 🙂 In general I don’t like anything that would get my HA wet.
One thing I did note is that the most talkative one (who didn’t interact much with me) knew how to come up behind a deaf or HoH person and gently direct with her hands on my shoulders so that I automatically moved to one side or the other. I don’t think most folks know how to maneuver around the Deaf of seriously HoH and that may be worth an observation here.
If you want to get attention, stamp hard on the floor a few times (assuming there are not a zillion people around) or pound on the table (again, assuming dishes won’t fly off) so that we can literally “feel you.” Another method is to flash the lights, which our Dean used to great effect with hearies and the deafies alike. That’ll get our attention immediately.
But in a crowd, if you come up behind a Deaf or HoH person a gentle touch to one shoulder or the other either gets a subtle move on my part away from that touch or lets me know you’re there. Please don’t ever grab one or both shoulders and attempt to move someone or swing them around to face you. That’s rude. If you end up moving between two signers, just move quickly, don’t scrunch down. You might want to sign Excuse Me if you know how – just keep on trucking, through.
Since this isn’t a high stakes situation (medical care) and since I’m familiar with the ritual and most of the folks there, this is an under the best of circumstances for me. I can relax and let life flow. Besides, the cooking is always fantastic for the feast. 🙂