I was told that this morning by a 30-something fellow of my acquaintance who is single parenting and divorcing. I want control of my life again.
I laughed like a hyena and told him that when the first child arrived that assured him that he was never going to be in total control of his life again. At least not until they were grown and gone and even then he should not count his as yet unhatched chickens.
Despite the vagaries of ex-spouses the reality is that life happens. Kids get sick, former spouses get sick, run over by trucks or whatever. Life is what happens while we are making plans for exactly how ordered and perfect it is going to be. There are broken bones, skinned knees, sports accidents, car accidents, car failures, unexpected late work days, baby sitters who quit, older siblings who refuse to watch the little kids, school schedules that change unexpectedly, snow days, problems on field trips, and kids who have accidents at school with no change of clothes handy. There are bullies, and sometimes your kid can be the victim while at other times the bully, problems with grades, planning for college, wondering what to do when they start dating and what to do when they want to drive. There are a million and one things going on with kids. Kids get sick, have tantrums, play parents against each other, want pets, grieve over pets that died, want more pets and want all the attention they can get except when they want Mom and Dad to leave them alone. More than one child is exponentially more, not arithmetically more. Former spouse? Good luck, unless you can become a team you will drive each other nuts for years.
Of course, there are work problems, dating issues, house care and the feeding of plants, small children, the lawn and various other critters in the home. There is washing, ironing, folding, realizing the clothing no longer fit, shopping, and more work problems. There are issues with cooking, cleaning, trying to sleep, animals pooping in the house when they get out, missing gerbils in the walls and confetti in the carpets.
If you want to have total control over your life consider the following: Get survivalist training, find a remote area in Canada or Alaska and go hide. Or get into a 12 step program and learn how to let go and enjoy life without blame and shame and anger and control. Your choice. But do not have relationships and do not have kids. That way lies madness for the person who wants control.