I had a minor meltdown last night at the school. I talked with my first ASL teacher and she was surprised at my complaints.
Despite the fact my present teacher is a college prof too, for me – he was a total dud. Yes, I lost my book on a regular basis because balancing work and study was getting hard, but in my other classes not having the book was really no big deal. In this class, since all he did was book it was a huge deal.
My eval indicated I felt I should be provided with a free ASL III class. I felt like rejecting the certificate of completion because I don’t know enough to deserve it. Then I had to go back to work and I didn’t get home until very late. After I got home and fell into bed I realized … I don’t want to do this anymore.
Why? I have ASL U online, I’ve got signingsavvy.com which is superb. I have Everyday ASL DVDs I have two meetups that are devoted to signing. I go to an open AA meeting where I can observe and sign to others. So why am I torturing myself with a long drive with tolls once a week? My Deaf MRC counselor told me the way to learn is to get access to the Deaf Community and I have it. I’d be better off spending my drive time studying DVDs I can understand or studying at signingsavvy.com
How freeing is that?! No more resentment. No more ruffled feathers, blame, or anything else. I’m done. Stick a fork in me. I have other options. I’ll see the folks I like from the Deaf community when I got to picnics and events and I’m good with that. I have such a sunny disposition (by nature) that I find it almost impossible to be resentful or angry for very long (it is a waste of time) and I almost always end up finding that the resolution is the thing that is supposed to happen. I keep driving my own bus and running off the road. Seems I’ve found a new way entirely by letting go of the wheel.